In seminary, I experienced Holy Week in a way I never had before. We observed the Paschal Triduum, which recalls the passion, crucifixion, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Triduum (pronounced TRIH-doo-um) is a highly liturgical experience that most Presbyterian churches don’t observe, and instead of being three distinct services, it is one single service that merely pauses until it is resumed the next day. Triduum begins with Maundy Thursday, moves into Good Friday, and culminates with the Great Vigil, a three-hour mobile vigil of Word, Light, Bath, and Table that ends with a joyful celebration of Christ's resurrection. It’s a beautiful service that shaped my faith and understanding of Holy Week in surprising ways during my four years at Austin Seminary. I knew this year’s Holy Week wouldn’t be the same, but I wasn’t prepared for the grief I felt last Thursday that persisted through Easter Sunday.
Yes, I miss my seminary community, but what I’m mourning is the loss of embodied worship - the loss of our embodied worship. I’m mourning the handshakes and hugs that we shared with one another. I’m mourning the feeling of putting on my robe, of struggling with the buttons, of placing my ceramic cross and silk stoles over my head and around my shoulders. I’m mourning the water from the font that dripped down my arms when I raised my hands to lead the assurance. I'm mourning the sound of creaking pews and occasional coughs and the rustle of bulletins. I’m mourning the tingling resonance of the intertwined voices of the choir and congregation. I’m mourning the bread and cup absent from our Table. I’m mourning for me and for you and for us. Our virtual worship is a lifeline. There’s no question about that. Our Zoom meetings and emails and phone calls reconnect us with one another. Thanks be to God! But none of those things are the same as seeing each other in person. Our shared virtual ministry is profound and effective, but it’s no substitute for physically worshiping and working and fellowshipping together. This quarantine has revealed to me that God was more present in our worship than we may have realized. But the truth is, God remains more present in our worship than we may realize. We are unable to be with one another, but God is with us. Worship in my small apartment feels nothing like a sanctuary - nothing like the worship that I know and love - and yet I know God is here. The worship that happens within these walls is holy and amazing, even when I don't feel that way. I may not yet feel God’s presence, and I doubt I’ll mourn this worshiping experience when it finally ends, but I need to seek the ways God is embodied in this different and unique style of worship. And perhaps you do, too. Holding you in love, Rev. Andrew Frazier
2 Comments
Diane
4/17/2020 01:38:39 pm
Holding you in love Andrew. Thank you for sharing your soul. Loved the Chesnokov "Salvation is Created". It was beautiful and made my day extra special.
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Mark
4/19/2020 01:06:02 pm
Thank you for these words, Andrew, they speak deeply to what I've been feeling.
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